At the end of first grade, I was given three gifts: a yellow notebook, a yellow hourglass, and a hand-embroidered blouse. None of them were things I wanted or cared about. I was not allowed to wear the blouse because it was considered too pretty and expensive, so it was stored away and forgotten. Many years later, when it was finally taken out of the closet, the pretty blouse was stained yellow and too small for me to wear.
The yellow notebook became my first diary. I wrote in it all the words that had been thrown at me: horse (konju), donkey (magarce), cow (kravo), stupid fool (glupaco), bitch (kucko), I will kill the living god in you (Ubicu boga u tebi), I will rearrange you (Sad cu da te izmakljam). And then I was so ashamed – both of the words and my audacity to write them down.
In the end, I tore out the pages and the notebook disappeared.